50 Shades of Maleficent
by ThrippFan22
Summary: Maleficent: the baddest bizatch in the world in under threat from the ratchet hoe Xtina. Will Maleficent triumph over Xtina, or will she flop harder than "Your Body"?
1. MONOLUGUE

_MONOLOGUE_

Oh. My. God. Let me tell you how it is girl. I actually cannot believe what Cru3lla said to me. That hoe told me that Xtina's party was cancelled. Well, I guess it was my fault; she convinced me that Aurora's Christening was nothing but a publicity stunt. Yeah, you know how that turned out. Slightly inconvenient. Never-the-less I have to move on. So, after that bitch said Xtina's party was cancelled I decided to cancel the delivery of my fabulous bright brown party leotard. Not to mention I threw away my 14 inch stilettos. They were so versatile. I can't believe I thought they were useless. Anyway, I found out on Bebo that Xtina said that she wanted me out of the picture because she was going to wear the same outfit. Gees, she always copies me. It's just SO annoying. She can't be original. Well, who is nowadays? Floppy Rowland… she's a blatant rip off of Beyonce! Katy is practically the shadow of Gaga. I mean, did you see her VMA 2011 outfit? WOW Katy, so you…

Sorry, I deterred from the point. Xtina, that slut, was credited for her innovative design and her use of the "in" colour "cherry brown". Well, she's done it for the last time. Dat bizatch is going down!


	2. THE FRAGRANCE OF FLOPS

February 7th. Hours of promo. Countless amounts of Photoshop. It was done. I was ready. I was planning the inevitable come-back to the major success of my previous album, especially the collab I did with the dear Xtina. I love her, I do. We are best friends; she's never betray me. We've been married for 3 days. Things were going great. Xtina was there at the launch evening at the McDonalds car park. A venue which has launched many a career. My new single "Don't doubt these nails" was set for success with its inspirational lyrics and moving dubstep beat that puts Adele to shame.

I was 3:56 am. Prime time for promotion and Christina was nowhere to be seen. What was up? Fear drowned my mind as she was never late. In the 3 days I've known her she's always been there for me. Was she in a crash? Was she caught in a blending accident? Was she… no… she couldn't be! Could she? Could she be making up and getting back together with her ex Yzma? No. She can't. She wouldn't.

2 minutes past and she finally arrived. Dazed and conscious she swiftly made her way to the front row seat next to fellow super-hit makers Sam and the Womp and Taylor Swift. It wasn't until I was in mid techno-gospel rap break down spitting out my sick lyrics and twerking to those heavy, tambourine beats when I noticed Xtina spraying herself with her latest hit perfume "Mauve In Moonlight". Shockingly she whipped her hair, and no it was not the obvious, straw-like weave extensions that shocked me; although that weave was so already done by me 7 years ago… was a copy cat. But anyway, I was able to get a whiff from Xtina's tornado like weave whips of Yzma's new hit fragrence "Wonderstruck". You know, the one that Tay-Tay so obviously copied! She is SUCH a copycat. I knew then it was over. I could not look at Xtina the same way again. I carried on with my revolutionary dance routine in sheer anger of the fact that Xtina tested Yzma's banging new scent without me. Who is she? Literally… Your Body only reaching #34 on the Billboard and then falling of the chart the next week. Well, to be fair that was quite the hit. It made such a notable cultural impact. And that moment created an impact… in my heart.


	3. THE GRAND SCHEME

Yzma, Yzma, Yzma. Thou art a ratchet harlot. Never did I ever think you'd do this to me. We were best friends. Gal pals, snow hoes, the twerkin' twosome… but no. that wasn't good enough for you, you had to do it. You had to release a new fragrance, didn't you?

Just because there was a large, open market at the time that pretty much guaranteed to anyway q-lister begging for 1 more minute in the spotlight – and just because your previous 8 fragrances we're certified 5x cardboard for reaching over 19 sales… But anyway, I have a plan. I quickly skimmed the blurb of the diva bible and da quen of ratchet ringtones and delectable desert drinks St. Kelis III attempted to preach in tune to me that "thou milkshakes bringeth thy males to thy garden". Yes. This is it. I want it. I need it. I must have it. Praise Beysus I've got it! The plan was clear… I'll Nes-quickly get the milkshake. I back-stroked all the way to Lidl. I had to ram my through the floods of super-fans pouncing for a piccy. Yes it was quite the task, that shopping assistant asking if I needed help, it always happens no matter what shop I go into - the thirst…

I couldn't afford a known brand of milkshake as I got side-tracked and I made it rain in oxfam, gotta love dat vintage gear. I blew all my monopoly 1's there and I left my 5's at home so I did what any chart topping diva would do… I used tap water. The water that would help me tap into the mind of that biffle-stealing mega bitch Yzma. Yes, with this magical elixir of luke warm liquid I shall uncover the truth.


End file.
